The U.S. Open kicked off earlier this week. This is great news for
me, and for two reasons: because (1) I am a big fan of tennis, and
because (2) I am an even bigger fan of beautiful talented women. Now, my
needs as a tennis fan planning to watch matches on television were
taken care of by the U.S. Open selection committee. They seeded the top
16 players so that the tennis fan part of me would have an idea of what
matches might be exciting. But what my needs as a fan of hot ladies?
Well, I had to take care of that myself. Here, for my own benefit as
well as yours, is a list of the 9 hottest women playing in the 2011 U.S.
Open. Set your Tivo accordingly.
9. Jelena Dokić
Age: 28
Home Country: Australia (born in Serbia and Montenegro)
Current Ranking: 73
Highest Career Ranking: 4 (2002)
U.S. Open Seed: n/a
Status: will face Jelena Jankovic in round 2 (battle of the Jelenas)
Okay, so I know this photo is a little scary. Jelena is in the
process of pulverizing a tennis ball, and is making the typical facial
expression that accompanies the tennis-grunt. But if you will just kind
of block that facial expression out for a moment, you’ll see that Ms.
Dokic is blessed with one seriously impressive physique.
8. Vitalia Diatchenko
Age: 21
Home Country: Russia
Current Ranking: 139
Highest Career Ranking: 105 (2009)
U.S. Open Seed: n/a
Status: eliminated in round 1 by Zheng Jie
Sadly for fans of beautiful women, poor Vitalia Diatchenko has
already been eliminated from the 2011 U.S. Open. Have a good long look
at her photo here, then cue up Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You”
in your head and imagine a slow-motion montage of this beautiful
Russian. Whether or not you employ the Ken Burns effect for your
imaginary slideshow is up to you.
7. Petra Cetkovská
Age: 26
Home Country: Czech Republic
Current Ranking: 32
Highest Career Ranking: 32 (2011)
U.S. Open Seed: n/a
Status: will face #16 Ana Ivanovic in round 2
The good news about this Czech hottie is that, despite her advanced
age (for women’s tennis she’s kind of old), she is currently on the rise
in the world rankings, with her current position being her best to
date. So, if all goes well, we may be seeing a lot more of her at future
tennis tournaments. Unfortunately, there is also some bad news. Have
you figured out what that is yet? If not, keep reading.
6. Gisella Dulko
Age: 26
Home Country: Argentina
Current Ranking: 51
Highest Career Ranking: 26 (2005)
U.S. Open Seed: n/a
Status: will face #4 Victoria Azarenka in round 2
You’re probably thinking, “hey, look, finally a hot female tennis player
not
from Eastern Europe.” Well, while Latin women are often some of the
sexiest on the planet, I must tell you that Dulko here is
of—drumroll—Hungarian descent. Dulko didn’t sound Spanish to you, did
it? So if you are keeping score at home, so far that’s Eastern Europe 4,
Rest of the World 0.
5. Caroline Wozniacki
Age: 21
Home Country: Denmark
Current Ranking: 1
Highest Career Ranking: 1 (2010)
U.S. Open Seed: 1
Status: will face Arantxa Rus in round 2
Now it’s Eastern Europe 5, Rest of the World 0. Yes, although
Wozniacki was born and raised in Denmark, her parents are from Poland
originally. They relocated when Caroline’s father, a pro soccer player,
signed with a Danish team. Of course, in this photo the tennis superstar
is looking an awful lot like the all-American girl next door.
4. Alona Bondarenko
Age: 27
Home Country: Ukraine
Current Ranking: n/a
Highest Career Ranking: 19 (2008)
U.S. Open Seed: n/a
Status: eliminated in round 1 by Sabine Lisicki
After a prolonged injury, Alona Bondarenko was able to get into the
2011 U.S. Open thanks to what is known as a “protected ranking.”
Basically, what this means is that a player with a significant injury is
allowed to return to action at the rank she (or he) held before the
injury. That way, the player won’t have to start all over by having to
qualify for every single tournament. Unfortunately for Alona
Bondarenko—and tragically for the rest of us—a “protected ranking”
status doesn’t help you shake off the rust. She lost in the first round.
3. Maria Sharapova
Age: 24
Home Country: Russia
Current Ranking: 4
Highest Career Ranking: 1 (2005)
U.S. Open Seed: 3
Status: will face Anastasiya Yakimova in round 2
Sharapova became etched in the hearts of tennis fans and sexy
female-loving men around the world when she won Winbledon at the age of
17 back in 2004. Back then, if you talked about how hot Sharapova was
you were a total pervert. Today the gorgeous Russian is 24, so it’s
totally cool.
2. Dominika Cibulková
Age: 22
Home Country: Slovakia
Current Ranking: 15
Highest Career Ranking: 12 (2009)
U.S. Open Seed: 14
Status: will face Irina Falconi in round 2
I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing that the
hottest women’s tennis players at this year’s Open are also some of the
best. That’s because I can follow their progress closely without feeling
shallow. If anyone asks why I care so much, I can honestly say “because
‘so-and-so’ is a phenomenal talent.”
1. Ana Ivanović
Age: 23
Home Country: Serbia and Montenegro
Current Ranking: 19
Highest Career Ranking: 1 (2008)
U.S. Open Seed: 16
Status: will face Petra Cetkovska in round 2
I doubt anyone will have any real objection with my putting Ana
Ivanović at #1. But just in case, my logic was as follows: while there
may be (and almost certainly are) women’s tennis players that are hotter
than Ivanović
off the court, there is no one in the world who is hotter than her
on
the court. So as far as watching this year’s U.S. Open is concerned,
that makes Ana Ivanović the cream of the crop. Sadly, either Ana or #7
Petra Cetkovská will be heading home after the next round, because they
are facing off against each other.
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